Hurting

I don’t like feeling inadequate. I don’t like perpetually feeling embarrassed and ashamed of my many, MANY shortcomings and failings. I don’t like being trapped in an endless cycle of discouragement and disappointment and being unable to see any way out. And I really don’t like crying when others can see me, especially about stupid pointless things, and particularly in front of people who don’t really even know anything about me. I don’t like feeling the overwhelming pain screaming I’m not good enough, I will never be good enough, that the hurting is all purely my fault and there is nothing I can do about it. But the door appears closed tight and I can't find any way to open it.