The Graduate

Lyra completed the 7-week AKC Star Puppy Class at Teamworks Dog Training, and passed the final exam with flying colors. So proud of our little graduate!

Next up, Puppy Confidence and Agility Classes and then on to the Canine Good Citizen!

Stay...

  If only they could. 

As Frylie's health continued to deteriorate, we made the impossibly difficult decision to help him cross the Rainbow Bridge with the compassionate assistance of Lap of Love. He passed away peacefully at 2:25 p.m. on Sunday afternoon, February 12, 2023, surrounded by his family at home.

We spent his final days taking leisurely strolls along some of his favorite trails and spending time outside in the late winter sunshine, reminding him of how loved and cherished he is and always will be.

For his final meals, Fry was treated to hamburger steak with cheese, scrambled eggs and bacon, and yummy desserts of chocolate peanut butter cups. We stroked his soft fur and told him how much we loved him as he peacefully crossed the Rainbow Bridge, surrounded by Steve, myself, Lyra and Venus. Then, with our hearts breaking and tears flowing like unstoppable rivers, we allowed Lyra to touch him one last time. Watching her gently sniff his face and then softly kiss his nose broke my heart into a million pieces. 

We adore you, dearest boy. You are a treasure and life is so much better because of your presence in it. Your pawprints are furever on our hearts, and we love you now and always throughout eternity and beyond. May you forever run free across the Rainbow Bridge with Zoe, Spyder, Missee and Gillis until one day when we all meet again.

A Long Strange Week

 This month has felt like a rollercoaster ride where the seatbelts are broken. Frylie's cancer has progressed and although he has had some improvement in his symptoms with steroids, his overall trajectory is leading us toward making difficult end of life decisions in the not too distant future. He's still eating and drinking, and seems to enjoy his easy daily walks, but we know our time with him is finite and it breaks our hearts into pieces.

Knowing from experience that life without a dog is not an option for us and with Fry's increasing age and cancer progression, we began looking at adding another member to our family to ease the transition, and found an English Labrador puppy who checked all the boxes for what we wanted. In discussion with the breeder on January 18, she was kindly willing to keep the puppy for us until we all felt Frylie's situation was appropriate for bringing her home. I know it seems morbid to add another dog while Fry's still with us, but I truly believe he would want us to not be alone when his time comes.

As Frylie continued to have more good days than bad, we elected to pick up the puppy, whom we had decided to name Lyra after the constellation, on Saturday, January 28. We took Fry with us, and on arrival at the breeder's home, he and Lyra met and instantly bonded which was a lovely surprise. They played together gently in the yard, and were both very comfortable in the car together on the drive home.

Once home, the two immediately became inseparable and I think Fry has enjoyed showing Lyra the ropes and being the wonderful older brother to her. And Lyra has taken to Fry as her mentor and new best friend. Even our crochety deaf senior cat, Venus, seems content with the new family situation.

Cherishing Every Moment We Have

Our Frylie had surgery to remove a mast cell cancer tumor from his side. Due to the moderately high grade of the tumor at that time, we were told he would likely only survive about six more months. That was 22 months ago, and during the intervening gift of time with him, he's survived two more surgeries, one to remove a cancerous tumor on his toes and one to remove another mast cell tumor. The mast cell this last time, seven weeks ago, returned as very high grade and aggressive, but he had been doing surprisingly well. That is, until a few days ago when he began to have difficulty climbing steps. On his return visit to the veterinarian, Dr. Chris found what we'd all been dreading. It appeared another mast cell tumor had arisen, this time deep in the muscles of Fry's hip, and all signs point to this being terminal.

As our precious boy is already nearly 13 years old and becomes overwhelmingly anxious about hospitalization and painful infusions, we elected to forego chemotherapy, which would likely not give him much more in the way of time anyway and most probably not really improve his quality of life due to his extreme anxieties and fears of being in the hospital repeatedly for infusions.

So I'm sitting here typing this while trying to hold back tears and attempting to keep my sweet boy as comfortable as possible on his soft bed where he's resting at my feet. His current hospice care includes oral medications to relieve his discomfort and anxiety, and we've removed the legs from basically all our furniture so he doesn't have to climb up to get on the couch or bed. His appetite is decreased, but he is still eating and drinking, and his bathroom habits continue to be normal. And as he still seems to enjoy going for occasional very short, slow, easy walks in the neighborhood, we don't believe it's time yet, but deep in my heart I fear he's not much longer for this world.

If you're reading this, please light a candle for our precious Frylie. He's been the light of our lives for the past 12 years, and we continue to treasure every single moment we have remaining with him as a gift so precious it's impossible to deserve. This kind, humble soul with the biggest, softest heart and sweetest eyes, is the very embodiment of joy and gentleness. We will be with him through to the very end, and when that time finally arrives will give him the final gift of being with him as he transitions across the Rainbow Bridge.

As A New Year Approaches

 “Sorrow prepares you for joy. It violently sweeps everything out of your house, so that new joy can find space to enter. It shakes the yellow leaves from the bough of your heart, so that fresh, green leaves can grow in their place. It pulls up the rotten roots, so that new roots hidden beneath have room to grow. Whatever sorrow shakes from your heart, far better things will take their place.” 

~ Jalāl ad-Dīn Muḥammad Rūmī ~

“Oft hope is born when all is forlorn.”

~ J.R.R. Tolkien ~

“Wherever you are, and whatever you do, be in love.”

~ Jalāl ad-Dīn Muḥammad Rūmī ~

Wail

  "I felt that I breathed an atmosphere of sorrow. An air of stern, deep, and irredeemable gloom hung over and pervaded all."

~ Edgar Allan Poe ~

I believe the Universe offers humanity the opportunity for a path to unfathomable good or a path to unfathomable evil. During what I've witnessed in the many decades of my own existence, as well as what has been recorded throughout history even long before that, I can draw no other conclusion except that humanity has apparently continued to choose the path to unfathomable evil. This is apparent to me by the persistent cruel and brutal violence humanity repeatedly and hatefully inflicts upon the very planet we call home, all the living things inhabiting this earth with us and even against one another. And sadly I truly cannot say for certain I continue to have the strength to exist in such a world, where hope seems all but crushed and destroyed.

First Public Art Project!

My fabulous husband, Steve, brought it to my attention that the Town of Wake Forest had a public art project available that perhaps we should consider. The greenway beautification Sewer Structure Art Project involved painting sewer structures along the local greenway systems and since we both bicycle and walk these greenways almost daily, it seemed like the perfect opportunity. So we checked out the list of approved structures, selected the one we wanted to paint and submitted a very rough pencil sketch of our idea for painting it with a wildflower and insect theme to fit in with our love of nature.

Our structure selection and submission were accepted and arrangements were made to select our paint colors and necessary materials. Despite Mother Nature throwing us a few curveballs with afternoon and evening thunderstorms on the originally planned paint days, we were finally able to get out last month and get the primer coats - which also served as our background sky color - applied. Fortunately, the rain held off long enough for both coats of primer to dry thoroughly with no issues. 

Once the primer had fully dried, we were able to get out and complete the project, carrying all our painting supplies to the greenway structure on our bicycles, of course! 

Despite the brutal heat and humidity, Steve and I had a lot of fun with this and felt like kids again - painting cheery flowers and insects winding their way up and around the tank and exhaust pipe using heavy duty brushes, foam sponges and even our hands! 

We hope our project brings a smile to users of the Dunn Creek Greenway, and are grateful to the Town of Wake Forest for this opportunity!

Through My Lens

"Through My Lens - Self Portrait"

© 2019 Tammy Kaufman

9" x 12" soft pastel on Sennelier La Carte Pastel Card

Despite the scary potential of facing the continued stigma that far too many still have toward those with mental illness, especially having a somewhat public persona as an artist, I’ve come to realize that openly acknowledging my own battle with it is a solid step toward healing. Painting is also an invaluable part of that healing process for me, along with having found highly qualified and trusted mental health professionals locally. This has given me a bit of courage to publicly recognize my complex mental health challenges and if you are struggling yourself, may my 'coming out' as having a mental illness let you know that you are not alone. As I’ve progressed along this meandering artistic path as it crisscrosses with my mental health challenges, I’m finding that my own response to my artworks is changing. My paintings and sketches are generally feeling less like marketable commodities and more like a means of simply expressing the emotions evoked by the various scenes I’ve seen in person that made me want to paint them in the first place.

My artwork is part of my therapy and hopefully will facilitate the healing process, and I recognize that very fact makes many of my paintings perhaps more deeply personal to me than they should be. That does create a quandary for me though. Part of me strongly believes art is meant to be shared, and I admit there is a certain joy in those few times that something I have painted actually speaks to another. On those rare occasions, it almost makes me feel less alone and isolated when I can share a part of me to which another human being responds positively. So, I need to find a way to exist with a foot in both realities – to share the work of my heart while still protecting that same fragile heart…

Over a Million Steps!

Over the past couple of months, I participated in a walking challenge, and am happy to report I walked over one million steps during the eight week event! My final step total was 1,150,902 steps, which also resulted in my being our team's "high stepper".

I also found that I felt stronger and healthier as a result of increasing my daily steps (I averaged over 20,000 steps per day throughout the challenge), and even found my bicycling stamina and strength improved as well. My steps have decreased a bit over the past week due to a terrible cold, but I plan to stay with the daily walking and increase it back up to the 10-20K average per day level as soon as this cold clears. Yay me! 😊

Happy Birthday Frylie!

Happy 8th Birthday to our sweet little man - we've loved you from the moment we first met you, and you fill our lives with unbridled joy. 🐾💚

A Beautiful Thing

In these alarming and deeply worrisome times, it was so uplifting and inspiring to be able to participate in such an incredible event as the Women's March on Raleigh, joining a diverse group of, at last count, around 17,000 beautiful souls marching for equality here at home and countless others across the world.

More Photos

Frylie First Snow of 2017

Video courtesy of Steve. :-)

Meet The Artist - Cross Post

Cross Post from my Art Blog:

Save The Dates!

Monday, September 12 and Sunday, September 18, 2016

I'm delighted to be a featured artist with the Wake County Library System for the month of September as we explore the beauty of the North Carolina landscape. It would be an honor to have you join me for presentations at two of our local libraries, including live painting demonstrations and the opportunity to ask questions about interpreting the local landscape with pastels.

© 2016 Tammy Kaufman - Ethereal Dance - soft pastels on Sennelier La Carte Pastel Card 19.5" x 25.5"

• On Monday, September 12, from 11 a.m. until noon, I'll be at the East Regional Library at 946 Steeple Square Court in Knightdale.

• On Sunday, September 18, from 2 - 3 p.m., I'll be at the new Northeast Regional Library at 14401 Green Elm Lane in Raleigh (Wakefield).

As part of this program, I'm honored to have my pastel landscape paintings on exhibit in both these lovely libraries throughout the month of September.

Twelve works are in the lobby display cabinet at the Northeast Regional Library in Raleigh (Wakefield), and 12 works are hanging along the main back wall at the East Regional Library in Knightdale. Inspired by the uniquely beautiful North Carolina landscape, these paintings range from 4x6 to 18x24 inches in size, are all framed under glass and wired for easy hanging, and will be offered at special "Meet the Artist" adoption fees between 35 and 425 dollars, with the profits going to animal charities. I look forward to your visit!

Taking Charge of Wellness

So I've had my blood sugars rechecked and am happy to report I'm now out of the diabetic range! However, my weight is still well over where it needs to be, and even though I did complete the Couch to 5K running program (which was amazing, by the way), I felt like I needed to do something to continue keeping me accountable to working hard on regaining my fitness.

With that in mind, Steve and I took the plunge and joined the Rex Wellness Center. At first I was hesitant because my limited experience with gyms was not exactly pleasant from the perspective of an overweight middle aged woman surrounded by a lot of uber-fit 20-somethings. However, the Wellness Center seems to be less like a gym and more of, well, a wellness center. So far in my first week of membership, I've taken two group classes - Aqua Barre and H20 Cardio Barre, both of which were an absolute blast - have had a fitness assessment to help me figure out where I am fitness level wise, and have tried out the free weights, a couple of the exercise machines, saltwater lap pool, warm therapy pool, whirlpool, sauna, steam room, and the indoor track. I'm planning on taking more pool classes, yoga and meditation classes, as well as some of the stretching and strength/fitness classes, and will look into some personal training as well at some point. According to today's fitness assessment, I do need to work on losing weight and gaining flexibility as I already knew, but my strength is not too bad and surprisingly enough, my aerobic capacity is better than I thought. I think the Couch to 5K Program that I completed back in May really helped with that, and I've actually continued running a couple of times a week since then!

I have had a flare of some old plantar fasciitis issues, but picked up some PF sleeves which seem to be helping, along with PF exercises. Having our beautiful greenway so close to home is a dream come true - it's perfect for running and bicycling, not to mention providing incredible inspiration for paintings! And when the weather is just too bad to workout outside, there is always the gym with indoor track so I can stay on track better with my exercise now - no excuses! Yeah, I think this Wellness Center membership is going to be a good investment for my health and wellness. :-)

Another Art Blog Cross-Post

This is another cross-post from my art blog, so please bear with me!

Among my greatest joys as an artist are discovering that a painting of mine speaks to someone's heart, and being able to help animals in need by doing something I enjoy, this time painting. So with that in mind, I'd like to introduce Painting for Paws! I want to encourage anyone interested to make a donation to one of the animal charities on my list below and as a thank-you gift for your donation, I'll give you one of my landscape paintings absolutely free (except for the cost of mailing if applicable). Most of my artwork is available as part of this Painting for Paws promotion, and the works may be seen on my artist website at www.tammykaufman.com. The donation amount is totally up to you, and you can select from any of my chosen charities listed below. There is no minimum donation requirement, and every penny will go to the charity. The paintings will generally be unframed, and I would also request proof of the charity donation, just to ensure the charities are getting something.

And what do I get out of this, you ask? My reward is that I get to paint purely from my heart, with the satisfaction of knowing my artwork is being adopted into happy new homes while also doing some good in this all too often difficult world. So if this sounds like something that may interest you, please contact me and together let's do something wonderful.

© 2015 Tammy Kaufman - Catticus Finch - soft pastels on UArt 7" x 7"

My charity choices currently include the following, but others may also be added:
http://spcawake.org/
http://www.unchaindogs.net/
http://pilot.dog/
http://www.nc-claws.org/
http://bestfriends.org/
http://noahsarkvet.us/noahsangels/
https://www.soidog.org/
http://www.animalhopeandwellness.org/

Time to Get Back to It

Yikes. When did one easy hour on the bike start making me so tired afterwards? Time to get back into a regular routine of exercise and hopefully regain some measure of endurance and fitness...

Raining Sunshine - Repost

This is a repost from my Art Blog, but it's such a big deal to me, I wanted to post it here as well. :-)

The weather outside may be frightful here this week, but it's definitely raining sunshine in my life right now. To put the magnitude of this into perspective, let me start from the beginning.

In late June 2013, I decided on a whim that I wanted to try my hand at painting for a hobby, so got a cheap student grade watercolor set and a pad of paper and set about attempting to learn to paint. It didn't take long for the art bug to bite for real, though, and I began experimenting with a variety of media including acrylic paint, charcoal and graphite. Frustrated with the student grade paints, I moved up to artist quality watercolors and acrylics, then expanded to Gouache and colored pencils which worked much, much better and were a lot more enjoyable to use.

As much fun as I was having, however,  I still felt like something was missing so in September of 2013 I picked up a small set of student grade soft pastels and a little pad of pastel paper just to see what they were like. After my first two attempts, I was more frustrated than ever and decided perhaps soft pastels just weren't for me. Luckily, I was intercepted by some other pastel artists who noted that my frustration was in all likelihood due to the lower quality of my pastels and the very challenging paper I had selected to use with them rather than an innate inability with the medium. Never one to give up too easily, I picked up a small set of artist quality pastels and a little sampler of sanded paper - what a difference! It only took a couple of test mini paintings and I was hooked. Determined to learn this medium, I gradually expanded my collection of high quality pastels and surfaces, and studied everything I could find on them - books, online tutorials, other artists' websites. Ever since, I've been painting like a woman possessed - at least several times a week consistently. Most of my earlier works were mediocre at best, but I was putting in my time with  painting and getting practice making marks, learning about color, values, temperatures and composition. I studied everything I could find on pastels and painting in general to help me learn. I checked books out from the library, purchased online training courses and joined the local pastel society.

Ever so slowly, things began to happen. I got juried into several shows and even won first place at the State Fair. But I wanted to continue improving and growing as an artist, so I was delighted when, at one of the local pastel society meeting, I met another member who had given an incredible demo earlier in the year and discovered that she taught and, even better, was willing to travel to my home to teach me! After hiring Addren Doss and studying with her this year, I saw noticeable improvement in my painting, which carried over even into my other mediums, and I began to dream bigger. I had heard about the Pastel Society of America - the premier organization of serious pastel artists. Unlike the other art organizations I had joined, membership in PSA are offered only on a juried basis, and I had heard how high their standards are so I knew it was going to require even harder work on my part if I were to have any hopes at all of getting in. So I continued to study and practice and work harder than I ever thought I could at my painting. It was difficult and frustrating at times, and other times things just clicked. I turned out some paintings I felt very good about and some that went directly into the "studies to maybe repaint later" bin. But I never stopped working at it, and I never lost sight of my goal. By the October PSA jurying session, I finally had five paintings I felt good enough about to submit for consideration for membership.

This weekend, roughly 26 months after that first frustrating attempt to draw something with a stick of pastel, I got the letter that validated all my hard work. The letter welcoming me as a juried Associate Member of the Pastel Society of America. But this is not the end - rather the beginning. Now the even harder work begins and I'm intensifying  my efforts with lessons and practice as I pursue that next ever more more challenging step on this artistic journey, the quest for Signature status.

Those Two Little Words

"You're diabetic." I was speechless as I heard my doctor say those two little words to me over the telephone. Two little words that turned my life upside down. Two little words that explained so many of the symptoms and issues with which I've been struggling for the past few years but with no real explanation, until now. Two little words that I never expected to hear. After all, I have no immediate family history, no evidence of heart disease, no high blood pressure. I eat an excellent diet relatively free of processed foods and excess sugar or carbs. I try to exercise regularly, and was an endurance athlete throughout most of my adult life for crying out loud! So with no real identifiable risk factors - and the fact that every single one of those little online health tests indicated no diabetic risk - diabetes was simply not on my radar.

I'm still in that "lost" phase of early diagnosis where I'm trying to wrap my head around what all this means and how to come to grips with what my new normal is going to have to be. My diet was already quite good, but I have begun cutting out any processed sugars and "white carbs" wherever I can. I've also made it a point to schedule regular intense exercise for one hour per day at least five days per week. This has been quite a challenge due to the overwhelming fatigue and weakness I continue to experience. Hopefully that is just my body adjusting to the new routine and diet and will improve soon. I'm definitely putting it on my list of questions for the diabetic nutritionist when I go in for counseling though. I am trying to "eat to my meter" in order to try and maintain blood sugars in the appropriate ranges and avoid extreme peaks and valleys if at all possible. And, being a needle weenie, learning to test my own sugar has been an adventure in itself (but I'm managing to do it, even if it is less than the most pleasant part of my day). I'm so grateful to the diabetic bloggers who have been so willing to share their experiences managing their disease without medications, as my personal goal is to control my own diabetes using only diet and exercise, avoiding medications for as long as possible, ideally never having to resort to chemical drugs for treatment.

Right now, the hardest part is surprisingly enough the exercise thing, although don't get me wrong - I miss my flavored coffee and ice cream like mad). It's not that I don't enjoy exercise, because I do. But it's difficult with the extent of the overwhelming fatigue and weakness that comes with it so often - on many occasions, after a mere 15 minutes on the bike, my feet start feeling like they are strapped to cinder blocks, and soon after I begin to feel like I've swallowed a brick and then the mild waves of nausea, headache and dizziness follow along soon after. This does tend to resolve somewhat, at least enough to finish out my hour, but it's definitely a struggle as I never seem to fully recover until after a solid period of complete rest (of course, I seem to always be exhausted, so "fully recover" is maybe not completely accurate). Steve suggested I carry my meter on rides and check to see if my blood sugar is possibly crashing during heavy exertion, so I'll try that next time.

In the meantime until I get in to see the dietitian and follow up with my doctor to see where things are in a couple of months, I'm working very hard on maintaining a strict diabetic diet and being faithful with my exercise schedule in the hopes that the verdict will be that my diabetes is well controlled using only those and there will be no need to add medications.

Helping Animals in Need

Despite a brief setback with multiple episodes of vomiting on Monday, Frylie is doing much better today after the addition of an anti-nausea medication. With his ever rising medical costs, however, I've realized just how lucky he is that Steve and I have been able to afford his medical care. Far too many animals are not that fortunate. In light of this, I've decided to use my opportunity to have a guest artist show of my original paintings here in Wake Forest to try and help those animals in need of urgent medical care. My art show will hang throughout the month of July at The Artists' Loft in Wake Forest, and I've decided to donate a portion of the proceeds from all sales to the Good Samaritan Fund at the Animal Emergency Hospital and Urgent Care.

The show's Opening Reception is Friday evening, July 10, from 6-9 p.m. at The Artists’ Loft above Wake Forest Coffee, 156 South White Street, Wake Forest, NC, phone 919.554.8914. I hope to see you there - let's help some needy animals!

Ticked Off

Wow - did not see that coming. I took Fry to the vet this morning due to him having difficulty walking. He had returned from running the mountain bike trail with Steve last evening, apparently having torn the largest foot pads off full thickness on three of his feet. This was concerning enough, and we treated them with the standard medicated ointment the doctor has suggested before when this has happened. But even more worrisome was the fact that he seemed to be experiencing significant pain that kept him from walking or even wanting to stand up. My first guess was that he might have strained a back muscle while running - he is a very athletic dog who likes to do a lot of fast sprinting, jumping and twisting (also how he likely tore his foot pads; doing that stuff on sandy rocky bike trails). We let him rest last night, and decided to see how he felt after some rest. He wasn't better this morning, so I called the vet's office as soon as they opened. They worked him in right away, and the vet suggested performing an x-ray of his spine under anesthesia to get a better picture of what might be going on, so Fry spent the day at the hospital, and I spent the day worrying.

When we picked him up this evening, the vet told us Fry did in fact appear to have a very slight pinched nerve in his low back, but her biggest concern was what his labs showed: Lyme disease. I was stunned. I mean, I know he runs on the bike trails in the woods, and I know Lyme disease does occur in this area, but it honestly was not even on my list of suspicions for Fry's symptoms. We use flea and tick preventive on him, and are very careful to check him over carefully after any outdoor activity. Yes, he does have the occasional tick, but we always remove them promptly with tick pullers designed to remove the body and head cleanly, and never really thought about Lyme.

Fortunately, the vet believes we caught the disease early, and started him on a three-week initial course of powerful antibiotics and pain medications, along with antiseptic foot soaks and antibiotics for his ripped pads. Needless to say, no running or exertional activity for a while either, which is going to be tough on such an active little guy. He's still unwilling to stand or walk unless absolutely necessary, and I'll be monitoring him for the next few days to make sure he's able to tolerate his medications. The vet says it's critical that he take (and keep down) his full dose of antibiotics to manage the Lyme disease since untreated it can lead to liver and kidney disease or even failure. He is scheduled for a return vet appointment in three weeks to assess his progress and decide on the appropriate course if additional treatment is needed at that time.

Our little boy is resting at the moment, under the influence of very strong IV pain medications, and hopefully he will be able to tolerate his oral medicines well and be on the road to full recovery soon.